I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
