I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
