I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Randomize
