...so i touched it.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
