he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
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