i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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