He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
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