literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Randomize
