shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Randomize
