Only a mothe r could love this liver
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
