dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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