dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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