Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
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