I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
splinters make it hard to masturbate
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
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