Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
