we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
