I must be too annoying 4 u.
Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
