are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Randomize
