By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
