More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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