i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
