dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
