I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
