dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
