she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
