Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
