I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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