the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
