Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
We had to coat check the pizza.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Randomize
