Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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