My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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