weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
What drink are we having for lunch?
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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