Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Randomize
