Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Randomize
