When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
