Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
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