She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
