I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
