i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Randomize
