I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
i just sent this text using only my big toe
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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