got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
