Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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