I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Randomize
