No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Randomize
