Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Randomize
