I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
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