The answer is no. Its an illegal search n seizure!
never play flip cup with pint glasses
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
