Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
