Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
