i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
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