Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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