Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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