worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
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